Anyone who knows me, knows the last thing I would do is intentionally mislead or hurt someone... and to find out that's exactly what someone feels you've done really stinks! It has been an emotionally tough couple days for me!!

I had an e-mail on Sunday from a very close SMO friend of mine that was hard to read, her concerns for me about a relationship with someone we both know. I am thankful for good friends who will be honest even when its hard to hear, but that really wore me out. It was a lot to think through and work through and process.

Then this morning an e-mail letting me know that someone was hurt by what they'd read in my journal indicating I was talking to a potential local match. That just killed me! I am always upfront with everyone I talk to if I'm speaking to another couple and have never tried to hide anything.

I have had communication with 3 serious potential matches (not counting 1 e-mail exchanged and never hearing back again) in my search, and am currently only speaking with 1 (the local couple). As I mentioned before, I had hoped to have teleconferences with 2 potential matches through the agencies I've contacted, but apparently I did not communicate to one of the agencies and one of those potential matches that I have been searching independantly as well, and am listed with other agencies. I have told every other agency I've contacted, and don't know how I missed filling them in on that - as obviously it is important information. I know I had told the agency coordinator last week that I wasn't speaking to any other potential matches (prior to being contacted by the local couple), but I guess that was the only discussion we had.

I feel awful! Seriously, awful. I can't stand it when something I did hurts someone else, especially so completely unintentionally... so I am starting my day feeling totally bummed out.

It might seem silly, but it's days like this where I wonder if I'm even supposed to do this again. I got into surrogacy to help people, to make a miracle, to make positive things happen. Not to let people down, disappoint, or hurt them.


Popular Posts