It's hard to say good byes...

Yesterday all around stunk... there's just no other way to put it. The uncertainty of when we'll see Kenneth again - whether in 3 months or a year from now, the uncertainty of where they will deploy to... it was a lot on my heart and mind as we stood in the hot Georgia sun, watching all those men in cammies with their HUGE bags and weapons taking up a large portion of the grass, working so well together, quickly packing up the buses, taking farewell pictures, giving farewell hugs... I know they wouldn't have done an "official" goodbye like this unless they felt the Marines won't get a chance to come home before they leave again and that was weighing on my mind, while I resented the "not knowing", wondering if I'll have to do this again in a few months. I have done well not crying up until that moment he gave me one last hug and walked away... I had sunglasses on to hide my misty eyes, and a good friend who gave me a hug and let me cry quietly for a minute. The buses closed their doors and off they went while many hands in the air waved goodbye and other hands offered applause... my heart went with them.

The afternoon was hard for me, I was moody and drained and Kent acted like nothing had happened. I realize this isn't his fault, I KNOW how he is, and it won't hit him for a couple weeks and then all of a sudden he realizes daddy isn't coming home every night and he has his sad moment... but for now it was just another day to him and I know I was being snippy and feel guilty for being that way... I just wanted to be allowed to sulk and grieve and be quiet.

We watched Hotel for Dogs together and I bawled through most of that, and I bawled through a couple episodes of Army Wives... lots and lots of tears yesterday! You'd think I'd be cried out, but writing this, I feel a couple more making their way down my cheeks.

I will feel better soon, especially after I get to talk to Kenneth - which I probably already would have if I hadn't let my phone battery die sometime yesterday evening (for which I am now kicking myself)!

On a completely unrelated note, on the surrogacy front, I made an appointment today to have my endo biopsy and sounding (I think this is the trial transfer?) done tomorrow, and possibly some of the labs pending Dr. Korts preference. Once that is done (and of course depending on the results), when my period arrives in about 1 week I will get scheduled for the saline sono and whatever labs still need to be done.

Kent and I are getting ready to leave Friday for a very fun weekend with some friends in Kansas City and I cannot wait for that little get away and reprieve from reality, for a couple days. I am going to enjoy it! I realized this AM that I haven't even thought about anything beyond yesterday for a long time, and now I only have a couple days to pack and get ready, and get the house in order to leave it... I can't stand coming home to a messy house, especially since we're getting in Sunday evening and I am supposed to go to work on Monday! Yikes!


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