Teach an old dog new tricks?

Well I guess they aren't new tricks, but it will probably feel like that. I am going to get a flute and start playing again. I played when I was in middle school and nothing since then (my sister got the flute I played on and I have no idea what happened to it after that). But I loved it, I loved having another way to express my passion for music, and it filled me with happiness to play. Ultimately I want to get good enough to play at Church (once I settle on a church family) and hopefully start singing at Church again too. I miss that even more I think. I remember doing "recitals" for my family when I was little, specifically for Christmas one year... and before that the recorder!! I spent hours playing that thing - I remember my favorite book was my "Little Mermaid" song book!! :D

I grew up in a house filled with music. My mom had a gorgeous singing voice and played the piano beautifully. Not only did she personally fill our life with music, but she played records all the time (yes, the vinyl kind)! I miss those. Maybe one day for nostalgia's sake I will have to get a record player and track down some of my favorites that I remember (Smother's Brothers and John Denver & the Muppets Christmas are probably at the top of that list). Christmas music was huge - she LOVED Christmas music and played it long before and long after Christmas and I "inherited" that trait as well. I adore Christmas music and have made a point to get copies of about as many Christmas albums as I've been able to get my hands on, and I love to listen to it all day long. Everything from Kenny G to Trans-Siberian Orchestra to Frank Sinatra to Toni Braxton. I love it all.

As I slowly start re-surfacing after the initial internal chaos of loosing mom, I find an incredibly STRONG desire to reconnect with myself through music. To give that side of me a chance at a "come back". I have never lost my passion for music, just my outlet. I sing in the car, I sing in the shower, I hum along whenever somethings on that I like, but I don't play an instrument and I don't sing for anyone other than myself anymore. And I want to change that, because it is part of who I am and it is important.

It is an incredible thing when something this huge hits you, to see such an impossible shift in priorities and focus. Usually these things take years to ease into and they happen slowly, but I feel like there has been an internal rockslide or something close to it and everything has changed at once and everything that is TRULY important is so obvious now, and the unimportant things are left beneath the rubble of the rockslide. I feel my grasp on what I thought was important beginning to splinter off, and though it is a painful process to let go and move on from the things you've held to for so long it is necessary and the rewards are great.

I feel the New Year for me will be symbolic in many ways, a new beginning, a fresh start, a chance to embrace who I am and pursue my dreams. Maybe it is selfish, but for once I don't care. I deserve to meet my own needs as well as those of my family. I think as mom's and wives we forget that way too often and I've tried to be content with that for many years, and have failed. I am not content with the way things are and I am going to change that.

I will start with music and go from there... I think the New Year is going to be full of amazing blessings and changes and I welcome them.


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