The Surrogacy "Bug"

Whatever you want to call it - it's starting to bite again and leave that itch under my skin that causes my mind to wander at least a couple times a day to the question of "once more"? Can I? Should I? I am pretty sure I have come to the conclusion that I am going to search once more for what is most likely a final GS match and journey - I think one more pregnancy is all I will ask of my body, but I definitely want to carry again if I can find the right match, if I am still a good candidate, and if the pieces come together as they do when things are meant to be. So, I'm not going to pound the pavement or anything, but I think I'll put a couple feelers out and see what happens in the next few months. Every other time, when I've decided to match I've been matched within about a month because I applied to a bunch of agencies, responded to a bunch of ads, etc. - I really put myself out there because I was excited and ready. This time I am in no rush, and sort of feel at peace about the "if it's meant to be it will". I trust that if I'm going to be lucky enough to carry one more time it will come together and I don't need to force it or try to hurry things along. I have at least another 6-7 months before I'd want to transfer anyway, which might seem like a long time but I know just how quickly that amount of time can pass you by especially in the wide world of surrogacy! :)

In any event, just some rambly thoughts for the evening. Right now I'm still focusing on school and loosing a few more pounds (2 more to go to get to pre-pregnancy - almost there!!) and keeping up with my 13 year old! He's been away at camp the past 2 weeks and man I missed him!! He drives me crazy half the time, but apparently I am happy when crazy. :D It was just too quiet around here. Kenneth will be home again soon too, on medical leave from Afghanistan to get his back checked by his doctor's here - he's been having some tingling again in his leg which has me VERY worried. It's been just over a year now since his spinal fusion and I am anxious to see what the MRI will show and see what's going on and what needs to be done. The overseas position he's in is only supposed to be for another couple months anyway, so if he's good enough to stay there through the position ending he'll be back in the states full time soon anyway which will be good - I will be relieved when he has access to care if and when he needs it. Up until now things have been fine with his back so I am just hoping and praying whatever is going on is nothing major... the uncertainty is stressful, I can only imagine how he must feel.

I took Kent to Six Flags this morning for about 3 hours (getting good use out of our Season Passes this year!) and on the way home he asked me if I could have just one wish what it would be - I told him I would wish daddy didn't have any back pain or problems. He looked at me thoughtfully and said "That says a lot about you." I thought that was too funny. :) He's so goofy one minute, and so serious the next. Have NO idea where he gets that from. :)

Just 3 more weeks of school left in this semester and I get to register for Fall in about 1 more week! So far things are going well. I'm "settled" in I think, for the most part. I still beat myself up anytime I achieve less than perfect but hopefully it will just drive me to work harder and not drive me insane! :)