September 5th U/S and Update

On September 5th I went back for a re-check, very dissapointingly my lining had somehow decreased to a 4mm. I am so disheartened by that fact. My bloodwork all looked great, and my estrogen levels were comparatively much lower than the cycles on estrace, but still higher than most other surrogates I've talked to. I don't know what that means, but I'm definitely not responding like the average person. I also found out I did NOT have fluid at the first u/s, I did have a tiny bit at the 2nd one.

We are trying again. I started Provera on the evening of the 5th - today will be the 9th pill I've taken, no sign of AF yet. I did spike a low grade temp last night and have been feeling crampy off and on, so maybe the witch is on her way.

My heart is so very heavy for my IPs, more than anything I want to help them have a baby, and I just feel pretty defective right about now. It's extra difficult because there doesn't seem to be any answer as to "Why" this is happening, all we can do is keep playing with the meds and try again. This next cycle will be a combo of delestrogen and estrace, and we'll do an early u/s on CD10 to see if perhaps I'm thickening up really quickly, and maybe I was already on my way down when they rechecked me on the 5th... This will be our 3rd cycle, my 4th month on cycling meds (counting in the mock) and I am praying, SO hard, that this time we'll actually get to transfer.

It's funny, I KNOW if we can make it to transfer, all of this will just "go away" in my mind, it will all have been COMPLETELY worth it, but the fear of NOT getting to transfer is pretty real for me right now, and wondering if I've put my IPs through all of this for nothing... that just breaks my heart! I'm trying really hard to just keep looking forward, not back, and hope for the best and trust that whatever is meant to be will be!!


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